Daughter in Waiting Ministry

When the difficulties of life hit us…When disappointment sets in for our unanswered prayers…When it’s easier to vent instead of to hope, is God still worthy of our praise?

This past week, I received unsettling news. I was rejected from an opportunity I was certain I would receive. My hope was placed in this opportunity. I had prayed continuously for this opportunity. I knew for sure a yes was on the horizon. I anticipated this “yes” for weeks. After months of hearing no, I convinced myself this one would lead to a yes. I couldn’t see another way so this had to be the way. To put it simply, I was tired of waiting and boy have I been here with God before.

The day I received the unfortunate news, I was first angry with God then disappointment settled in. Unlike other times, I didn’t attempt to wrestle with Him or try to understand His reason. I simply sat in my feelings and acknowledged them to Him. I was honest with him regarding my disappointment. I released everything I felt in that moment onto Him and I had to be still enough to hear His voice of comfort in the midst of my disappointment.

And he said to him, “Where have you laid him?” They said to him, “Lord, come and see.” Jesus wept.

John 11:35

In John 11, Jesus comes back to the town of Bethany and is informed by two sisters, Martha and Mary, that their brother Lazarus has passed away. Mary greets him with weeping words that are filled with disappointment. “Lord if you had been here, my brother would not have died” (John 11:32). When Jesus is met with Mary’s disappointment and comes to Lazarus’ tomb, we are told that Jesus wept. Jesus, God, weeps. He knew Lazarus had died. He knew He was about to perform a miracle and resurrect Lazarus. Yet, He wept. Mary wept and Jesus wept. What this shows me is that there’s not a single emotion we go through in life that Jesus can’t sympathize with us. Not a single emotion we should feel shame for taking to Him. Why? Because He’s always with us in the storms of life. He sympathizes with those emotions we don’t want to have to deal with. He understands our hearts and our emotions that come alongside it. But, He also teaches us that if we don’t process these emotions, they have the power to overwhelm us and cause us to feel defeat.

He said to them, “Where is your faith?” And they were afraid, and they marveled, saying to one another, “Who then is this, that he commands even winds and water, and they obey him?”

Luke 8:25

The disciples in the storm are another great example of disappointment. In Luke’s gospel, chapter 8, we read a recount of the disciples on the boat with Jesus. While Jesus is asleep, there’s a windstorm that causes the disciples to feel fear. In Mark’s gospel, chapter 4, we are specifically told that the disciples asked Jesus if He didn’t care that they were perishing. For a moment, the disciples were disappointed. They were disappointed that while they were perceiving that they were perishing, Jesus didn’t care enough to wake up from his sleep. We can read this recount and chuckle because we know the outcome. Jesus woke up and rebuked the wind and the raging waves. If He did it then, won’t He do it now? He tells us in Hebrews 13:8 that He’s the same yesterday, today, and forever. I think it’s okay to feel disappointment but not to dwell in it. Because He’s good. Because if we choose to take God at His word, we’d acknowledge that He’s a sovereign God. He’s also El Roi – the God who sees. And He promises us in Jeremiah 29:11 that His plan for us is to give us hope and a future. We have to come to a place in our lives where we choose to either stand on His word and trust Him or refuse to believe that He’s good and that He will work all things out for our good (Romans 8:28).

Eventually, after I sat in my feeling of disappointment from losing my “dream” opportunity, I realized how eager I was to not have to depend on God. In waiting to hear whether or not I would receive the opportunity, I welcomed an old desire to not have to lean on God. To some, this may feel like nothing. Well, what does God expect? We’re only humans. We have our wants and needs and He put us on this earth. The thing is, I’ve prayed for months about keeping close to God so that the circumstances of life don’t waver my faith. As I’ve studied biblical stories like that of Solomon, King Saul, Apostle Paul, King David, Abraham, Esther, and Moses, I’m reminded time and time again of what it takes to follow God and how fragile we are. The Christian walk is a marathon and not a sprint and God is in every breath and exhale. We’ll have our wins in this life and we’ll have our losses as well. The question is, can we stay strong in our faith during our losses and most importantly, during our wins or our perceived wins?

Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?” And the woman said to the serpent, “We may eat of the fruit of the trees in the garden, but God said, ‘You shall not eat of the fruit of the tree that is in the midst of the garden, neither shall you touch it, lest you die.’” But the serpent said to the woman, “You will not surely die. For God knows that when you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

Genesis 3:1-5

From the beginning of time, mankind has wanted to be its own god. Biblically, the sinful desire Eve experienced in the garden and the ones we face in the world fall into three categories according to 1 John 2:15-18.

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life —is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.”

1 John 2:15-18

For this post, I’ll only focus on the ‘pride of life’, but I recommend you do separate research on all categories. The ‘pride of life’ is anything that leads us to a pride in self or arrogance or boastfulness. It’s a foolish assumption that enables us to believe we don’t need God, we can do it on our own. It’s for this reason that Eve was so easily fooled to grab the fruit. There’s an innate desire in each of us to not have to lean on God. When I’ve failed to recognize that, I was placing too much confidence on my flesh.

I mentioned earlier that I was confident that I would receive this opportunity. But, there were moments throughout waiting for it that I innately knew that this wasn’t from God. How did I know? Because I kept getting convicted of walking towards a lie. Generally speaking, there were a few moments before receiving this opportunity when I was placed in a position to knowingly sin. And one thing I know of God’s character is that He’s not the author of sin. Not only that, He defeated it on the cross. The opportunity wasn’t of God because God doesn’t tempt us to sin. He frees us from it. But, I was so desperate to finally get out of my situation in my own way that I dismissed the nudging from the Holy Spirit. Thankfully, I serve a God who’d rather shut a door than lead me towards a lie. I’m grateful He grew my faith and dependence on Him even more by showing me how easy it is to wander off. It’s comfortable to praise God when we need Him and a lot harder when we no longer perceive that we do.

The Christian walk enables us to lean on the knowledge that we always need God. No matter how triumphant our seasons are in life. I love how often God says in his written word to write it down. Writing testimonies is so important to God that even He commands we do it in His word. Even He wrote it down for us with the bible.

“Write the vision; make it plain on tablets, so he may run who reads it. For still the vision awaits its appointed time; it hastens to the end—it will not lie. If it seems slow, wait for it; it will surely come; it will not delay.”

Habakkuk 2:2-3

When the ebbs and flows of life happen, we should try to remember His steadfastness. My disappointment led to me questioning God’s love for me. Had it not been for my conversations with Him as well as the testimonies, the talks, the visions, the promises, the soothing words He’d encouraged me to write down over the months, it would have been easy not to perceive just how much God loves me. My encouragement for you is to write it down this week. Write down all the faithful ways in which God has shown up in your life. Write down the strength and peace He’s given you. Write down your favorite scriptures. Write it all down. It acknowledges what God has done so we don’t grow weary in seasons we perceive He isn’t with us.

But Jesus answered them, “My Father is working until now, and I am working.”

John 5:17

What I love about the book of Esther is that it never once mentions God. But, as you read it, you can see His presence all throughout. It’s one of two books in the bible that doesn’t mention God. There are a few theories as to why and I believe this one holds true: it challenges us to see God’s work in our lives even in those seasons we deem He’s not involved. God is always involved. The world calls it “dumb luck” or an “invisible string”, but it’s God. He’s an always moving and working God. Look back at your life and see all those “invisible strings”. Write them down.

Here are five biblical characters who faced disappointment that I enjoy reading about:

Joseph in Genesis
Job in Job
David in 1 Samuel
Jeremiah in Jeremiah
Naomi in Ruth

Scripture (ESV) that helped me meditate on my disappointment:

So she called the name of the LORD who spoke to her, “You are a God of seeing,” for she said, “Truly here I have seen him who looks after me.”

Genesis 16:13

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

Hebrews 11:1

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.”

Isaiah 43:19

“The LORD appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.”

Jeremiah 31:3

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.”

John 14:1

“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.”

Hebrews 4:15-16

“For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith—that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

Ephesians 3:14-19

Additional recommendations if you are struggling with disappointment:

John 11: 28-44
Ephesians
Proverbs 3
Psalm 18
Psalm 42
Psalm 139