Daughter in Waiting Ministry

Whenever I hear conversations about modesty, they leave me with discontentment. The message behind modesty can be overly-critical of womanhood and femininity and how they’re displayed within the body of Christ. Merriam-Webster defines modesty as the quality of someone not being too proud or confident about themselves or their abilities. This past weekend, I asked God to reveal His view on modesty to me. He brought me to the beginning so let’s start from there.

“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.”

Genesis 1:27

From this beginning, Adam and Eve walked in the Garden of Eden naked and unashamed. In Genesis 3, during the fall of mankind, sin entered the picture.

“But the LORD God called to the man and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten of the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?”

Genesis 3:9-11

Adam and Eve’s initial instinct when sin entered the picture was to hide from God. Yet God walked up to them and asked Adam a question He already knew the answer to. Before sin, Adam and Eve walked in the presence of God without guilt or self-consciousness. They were aware of their image and who they were walking with. After sin, their self-image was no longer reflected on God but on sin and who sin had convinced them they now were. They felt shame for being naked and falsely believed they were flawed. Since God created them in His own image and said it was a very good creation (Genesis 1:31), what could have been so imperfect about their image that sin convinced them to hide from their Creator? Nothing, but Adam and Eve hid anyway because sin brought a wide array of self-destructive thoughts that made them run away from who they were created to reflect.

This beginning gives me the foundation of modesty and how I should look at it in my life. Sin brings shame, guilt, and self-importance. It gives us a hyper-focus on ourselves and not on who we were created to reflect. Modesty takes the lenses of life away from ourselves and uplifts them towards God. It’s hard to be modest, because modesty doesn’t give us the opportunity to be image-conscious. It doesn’t give us the opportunity to hide. I have to embody modesty as an honest and pure heart towards God. A heart that brings the truth of who I am in front of God instead of who I pretend to be. A heart that walks in God’s presence naked and unashamed.

“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.”

Psalm 139:13-14

We were all created in God’s image and each of us were created specifically by God for God. Though our outward appearances have also been corrupted by sin, God is most concerned about what’s on the inside because there lies our most vulnerable point of attack – the heart. The heart can influence our souls, our emotions, our thoughts, and our mind. As Luke 6:45 tells us, a good heart produces good and an evil heart produces evil for out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks.

In 1 Samuel 16, God tasks the prophet Samuel to fill his horn with oil and go to the house of Jesse the Bethlehemite. God tells Samuel that one of Jesse’s sons would be the one anointed as the next king of Israel. Samuel goes and not one of the seven sons Jesse presents before Samuel is approved by God. It surprises all of them, including Samuel, because they were tall in stature (1 Samuel 16:7) and considered men of war with valor and good presence (1 Samuel 16:18). Though not one of these seven sons was God’s choice, there was one more son. The youngest who was named David. When Jesse sent for David to be brought in from keeping the sheep, God confirmed His choice. David was the one. Before this anointing was done by Samuel, God spoke the below scripture:

When they came, he looked on Eliab and thought, “Surely the LORD’s anointed is before him.” But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:6-7

Biblical manhood showed us through 1 Samuel 16 that height, being skillful, and being willing to defend was important. Jesse, his older seven sons, and the prophet Samuel were certain that one of these sons would be God’s anointed because they had it all though one thing was missing. Jesse’s sons credited their strength, skill, might, and perseverance to themselves. They were proud and confident in themselves and lacking in this one thing – a revelation of who their image was a reflection of. They lacked modesty. Today, the body of Christ reflects the belief of Samuel, Jesse, and the seven older sons. If God looks at the heart, then why do we as Christians focus so much on outward appearance to describe modesty?

He shouldn’t look like this. She shouldn’t wear that outfit.
They can’t be modest for having that, wearing that, being that.
How can they possibly please God looking like that?

In Esther 2, King Ahasuerus is selecting a new queen to come alongside his throne. He appoints officers to go out and seek all beautiful young women who can be contenders for this position. These women were given cosmetics and underwent a beautification process that lasted six months with oil of myrrh and six months with spices and ointments – a total of twelve months was spent preparing them (Esther 2:1-12). Amongst these women, a young woman stood out by the name of Esther. She’s known to have been exceptionally beautiful with a beautiful figure (Esther 2:7). The bible states that she was ‘lovely to look at’. The bible also tells us that she won the favor of the king and was quickly provided with everything she wanted and needed including cosmetics. Esther became queen and gained favor in the eyes of all who saw her. In Esther 4, it’s revealed she came to the kingdom for “such a time as this”, because she was placed there by God to save her people through Him. 

Biblical womanhood showed us in Esther that women have many qualities and they are all given to us by God which means they can always be used to glorify Him. Today, women who embody Esther’s traits of wearing make-up, spending hours on their appearances and their physique can be shunned in the community. We’ll say that she’s trying too hard or lacking in humility. We based our judgment on what we see rather than what’s been revealed inward. Conversations about modesty almost always focus on femininity. They gear towards less is more – missing the full picture and the core truth about modesty. Only God sees the heart.

The men in 1 Samuel 16 were strong and skilled. The women in Esther 2 were beautiful with great figures. Yet only two from these books were chosen by God because of one reason which was their hearts toward Him. King David was skilled and modest. Esther was beautiful and modest. One does not have to equal the absence of another. When we honor the unique characteristics that God created in our mothers’ wombs and we use them to glorify God, then we’re being modest. We know that it all comes from Him so we have a true perspective of our image. Suppressing what He’s intricately woven in me isn’t modest just as boasting on what I have or am without honoring Him also isn’t modest. God should always be at the center of my self-image. Biblically, the examples of modesty that we are given are those with individuals who use their God-given gifts, talents, abilities, characteristics, and also use their looks for His glory. 

I love that God brought me back to Genesis when answering this question. It revealed the gentleness of His character. When humanity is so quick to condemn, He convicts (Romans 8:1). This gentleness was reflected when He approached Adam and Eve in the garden when they hid from Him. He came in peace by walking. He didn’t ignore them, but instead asked a question and opened up the conversation. His first approach during the fall of mankind was gentleness. The ball was then in Adam’s court when God asked Adam the question, “Where are you?”

That’s what modesty does. It convicts us. God asks us the same question today in many ways. What He wants to know is whether or not we’ll reveal the truth to ourselves or hide behind a lie. 

Am I wearing this outfit for fashion, because I enjoy wearing it, or because I’m desperately seeking attention to gain validation from people?
Am I sharing this news to soothe my ego or do I think it’s genuinely exciting to share?
Am I saying this joke because it’s funny or am I trying to gain favor and approval by any means necessary?
Is God in what I’m doing, saying, or believing?
How does God view me and am I honoring that?
What has God given me and am I honoring that?

God will convict us of our own lack of modesty. Practically, we can lead the conversation by asking Him to reveal to us those parts about ourselves that are dormant or those that are over-exposed. We can also ask Him to search our hearts. Because modesty is an individual journey, I now know that modesty will always be a reflection of what’s in my heart. The moment I compare, I lack modesty. The moment I self-exalt, I lack modesty. The moment I hide what God’s given me, I lack modesty. The moment I dismiss God, I lack modesty. The moment I forget whose image I was created to reflect, I lack modesty.

I’ve come to this conclusion. It’s not about what anyone else wears, does, or speaks. The only modest question I need to respond to is Where are you? Am I in the presence of the Lord or hiding from Him? A modest heart honors God by walking with Him.

When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!”

John 21:21-22

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For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Galatians 1:10

Search me, O God, and know my heart! Try me and know my thoughts! And see if there be any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting!

Psalm 139:23-24

Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.

1 Peter 3:3