Daughter in Waiting Ministry

Recently, I’ve been angry at God. I’ve been angry at His direction over my life and angry at the seemingly narrow road He’s taken me on.

It’s a sad experience to be angry at God now, because unlike my agnostic or lukewarm Christian days, I’ve come to truly know God personally. I’ve delighted in His presence. I’ve enjoyed hearing from Him and learning from Him. I’ve considered Him a Father, a Shepherd, Lord over my life, a Friend. I’ve considered the Holy Spirit a best friend. But, that doesn’t change the fact that feelings of anger have lingered in my heart as I look back on the way He’s been leading me. The anger comes from not understanding His direction. It peeks its head at moments of strenuous trials that feel like I’m dealing with them alone, that the Lord I’m serving isn’t moving fast enough, maybe not moving at all. It also peeks its head when I consider all the promises He’s made and the gruesome waiting I’m experiencing. 

I briefly spoke about the conflict of the Christian walk that occurs when we go through trials in Chapter 12: trials. I wrote about how during trials, we can sometimes perceive their purpose in our lives and their ability to build our faith and how at other times, they only cause us great fear or doubt. The thing is, I’m aware of the trials of the Christian walk, of His promises, His Word, and His personal word to me. But, I’m still feeling anger towards Him. 

In my flesh, in my fragile humanity, I have unmet expectations. These – along with the trials and God’s direction – have been the root of my anger. So, what do I do with this anger? I do what I’m called to do, I first take it to Him.

“I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live.”

Psalm 116:1-2 (NIV)

First, I make it a point in my relationship with God to not hide anything from Him. He who searches my heart knows my heart (Romans 8:27). He knows my pockets of unbelief. He knows the anxious thoughts I have at times. He knows what causes me grief. The biggest lie we can ever believe is to think that God doesn’t want to hear from us. When we are in this state, it’s so important to be honest with Him, to silence the noise around us and to release our frustrations, pain, etc… directly to Him. 

Second, I seek godly counsel. Many people have felt this way towards God and many have left the faith as a result. When our faith is being tested or our ability to see God’s goodness is blurred, it’s important we reach out for help. We can do so through speaking with trusted individuals who can strengthen our faith, edify us, and listen to us as we express or vent about our trials and tribulations. They may not always know how exactly to help or what to say but the comfort comes in knowing that they’re there. Speaking to someone who has gone through what I’m experiencing with God and/or has overcome it serves as great encouragement for me. In the latter, I find that my faith is also strengthened when I take the focus away from what I’m experiencing and I become a listening ear for someone else who needs me.

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Biblically, the book of Job shows us the opposite of what we are supposed to do when our loved ones come to us with feelings of anger, bitterness, or sadness towards God. Instead of comforting him, Job’s friends wrongly accused him, discouraged his faith, and dehumanized him. Time and time again, Job cried out for them to stop.

“I have heard many such things; miserable comforters are you all. Shall windy words have an end? Or what provokes you that you answer?”
Job 16:2-3 (ESV)

“How long will you torment me and break me in pieces with words? These ten times you have cast reproach upon me; are you not ashamed to wrong me?”
Job 19:2-3 (ESV)

The best thing Job’s friends could have done for him was to simply listen because all of their words were condemning. Later in Job 19, we see the supernatural gift of faith that Job receives in the middle of the argument he’s having with his friends. Even in Job’s anger, God provided Job with this gift. 

“Oh, that my words were recorded, that they were written on a scroll, that they were inscribed with an iron tool on lead, or engraved in rock forever! I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on the earth. And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God”
Job 19:23-26 (NIV)

God helps Job process his grief through this gift of faith to soothe him. And later in the book, God rebukes Job’s friends (Job 42).

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It’s important we wisely choose who to confide in when we’re in this angry state. Job teaches us that the right godly counsel should strengthen and comfort us and bring us back to God’s truth.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.”

Philippians 4:6 (ESV)

When I’m angry at God, it’s especially hard to take in the truth or study scripture. Though that’s precisely what I should be doing. So third, I study God’s word.

“He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your ancestors had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD.”

Deuteronomy 8:3 (NIV)

God will always speak through His word. It’s important to prioritize receiving God’s daily bread. If I’m unwilling or unable to read scripture, I’ll rely on other methods to receive God’s word. I’ll listen to a Christian podcast, interview, or conversation. I’ll listen to discussions tied to specific themes applicable to my current need. I intentionally seek discussions that incorporate scripture to anchor the dialogue. I also listen to Christian music. I actively choose to fill my mind and soul with Christian content daily. At times when I’m completely unwilling to seek God, I immediately pray to the Holy Spirit, because He intercedes on the behalf of the saints (Romans 8:26). My initial prayer is for Him to soften my heart, then we can go from there. Or, I’ll pray that He speaks on my behalf because I don’t have the words to pray nor the care to. 

In short, I’m in a place where I’m experiencing anger towards God. The way I process it is to first acknowledge it to Him. I then seek godly counsel and study His word. Plus, I pray. I don’t believe for a second that God wants me to feel ashamed of these feelings but I know He doesn’t want me to harbor them. Feeling anger towards God is not unknown to God. Throughout scripture, including Psalm 44, God’s word reflects others who have experienced this feeling of anger. If you are feeling anger in this season, do not allow yourself to feel condemned nor ashamed.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”
Romans 8:1 (NIV)

Sincerely,

Anne

I recommend studying Job, Jonah, Habakkuk, and/or Psalm 44 if you’re experiencing anger towards God. Here’s suggested scripture to meditate on this week:

“Even to your old age I am he, and to gray hairs I will carry you. I have made, and I will bear; I will carry and will save.”

Isaiah 46:4 (ESV)

“Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your heart before him; God is a refuge for us.”

Psalm 62:8 (ESV)

“The grass withers, the flower fades, but the word of our God will stand forever.”

Isaiah 40:8 (ESV)

“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.”

Psalm 55:22 (NIV)

“Let not your hearts be troubled. Believe in God; believe also in me.”

John 14:1 (ESV)

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 14:6 (NIV)